There are many perspectives and qualifications that are attributed to this age old tradition. Here is one more addition from two far-flung lovers.
One could seriously doubt that the lovely Jeannette Wanda Gonzales-Wright and the unassuming Alexander Raymond Laferriere became ‘married’ when they met for the first time in Sayles Hall on the campus of Brown University for a simple, yet, enlightening American Sign Language class. While classes such as this were happening in growing numbers across college campuses around the country, what emerged at this particular time, in this particular location, between these particular people could be described as a ‘marriage’ : the combination or mixture of two or more elements. For the studious Jeannette found herself thousands of miles away from her homeland of Los Angeles, rife with coursework and an 8-year agenda. Only to coalesce with the dubious ‘vagabond’ (a local Brunonian term used to define a participant whose presence in a class is unmarked by grades, coursework, registration, or paperwork of any sort. Essentially a gatecrasher of the academic variety.) A perfect term to describe our unwitting wayfarer, equally miles away from the simple farm town of Dudley, Massachusetts to the North, here in the unexplored city of Providence, Rhode Island, on yet another short 6 month contract gig, at the vanguard of an undisclosed filmic adventure saved for another tale.
In this class, these two mixing, married, merging entities would begin to combine and diffuse their elements, their ‘Coda Parts’, their history and heritage from Deaf lineage. One, from the distant lands of LA, and a further lineage from the far east of the Philippines, would approach her pieces with such a certain scientific and medical perspective, a simple cut and dry case of have or have not.
Perhaps language and culture was not even a component to consider to our young doctor-to-be. On the other hand, this boy of western, French roots, would unveil stories and tales from recent and past adventures, rife with trinkets and artifacts of a land and place rarely discovered, and hardly acknowledged, yet, the two of which were born into such a world as codas. They both possess ingress to such land with their language, their understanding, their being and they both can very well cherish and grow with that land by honoring, defending, and strengthening the rare and elusive Deaf World.
She had never heard of such things. Only now, miles away from ‘home’, in a place unlike her own, with grand dragons to face, the size of which span molecular-biology, anatomy, organic-chemistry, and other domains required of doctors-to-be. Many have fallen to the dragons of the medical world, very few have taken detours into the land of the deaf, why would this boy present such absurd concepts? Perhaps this ‘marriage’ of east-meets-west, in person, in ideas, in divine Providence would be something greater than their own understanding. The fusion of thoughts and concepts that neither holds complete, nor would be fulfilled without the other. As circumstances would be, or perhaps as fate would have it, their short, 6 month timeframe together, would become extended. In these separate summer days, unforeseen tragic community instances would appear in the lives of other characters unmentioned in this story, but it would allow for Alexander’s continuation in Providence and at Brown University, swelling within him a slow and steady desire to become worthy. Worthy of the institution that allowed him free reign of academic pursuits and employment, worthy of the spirit and creative intent his previous adventures had instilled within him, and worthy of this human soul whose nurturing presence and inspiring story seemed to mirror his own coda-existence, despite originating miles and worlds apart from his own upbringing. “Just stick around” he thought. “And amazing things will emerge.” He knew he had to simply walk next to this girl.
Then they went to conferences near and far, and grew anew in a flourishing Coda community. They had the good fortune of helping host their own conference in Providence. They became wedded to the idea of their codaness. CODAhaven, and all its meaning, culminated in a moment of sheer expression, he was uncertain it would happen, until it happened. Alexander took a knee and asked for her hand in marriage, sharing the moment with 250+ friends and family from around the world in their special place of Providence Rhode Island, a haven for all. With all hearts aflutter, she said yes!
The two decided to continue building their love, forging rings in a weekend long ring making workshop, trying their best to fuse their passions in simple earthly material of copper, bronze, silver, and gems.
Unbeknownst to them, the ‘culmination’ of the conference, and their engagement would not be the end of their story, but the beginning of another chapter, except this time, written by fellow coda souls from the community. The continuation of the story would demand less of their hand and be in the hands of others, and ultimately God, to dot the i’s and cross the t’s as they became more involved with a local Deaf church community in Providence.
These additional chapters would read as a remarkable pilgrimage to Israel, and a heartfelt and love-filled ceremony in Paris, France. A subtly mentioned moment within CodaLove 2019, our “Coda Wedding”. Never did these two realize such a treat was in store for them. Nor could they describe any of their desires when asked how to develop such a ceremony, for this was beyond any dream they could ever imagine. Each of the faces and elements that appeared that day will forever be cherished, slowly fading within the treasured recesses of their minds.
You may think that the story ends there. That this “Coda Wedding” is the perfect thematic and climatic end, but, as is in life, the story continues. Our two blended beings continue their merge, coalescing into one and strengthening their unification and dedication. The next logical step would be the orchestration of a formal ‘wedding ceremony’, one predicated by the surrounding mass culture of our times. So the self-authoring restarted, and the aim was a culmination in worth, both institutionally, as degrees were to be conferred to them both (her with the culmination of her MD, and he with his masters), as well as the culmination of spiritual unity in a wedding ceremony on the grounds of Brown University, within Manning Chapel, perhaps a reception within Sayles Hall!
Wouldn’t that be the ‘perfect’ way to celebrate their love, a graduation and a wedding, all within the same week! ‘Crazy!’ some would say, ‘Stressful!’ others would share. Yet, even until the very few precluding months, in which reception hall and catering were yet to be finalized, other plans were in store for the two, especially at the institutional level. Wise mentors advised the doctor-to-be that a name change post-graduation would be very tough to execute and be mired in a bureaucratic nightmare since a doctor’s name and degree of medicine must be in alignment with each other.
This put our two lovers into action, ready to provide whatever means necessary in making the process of graduating, marrying, and celebrating as smooth as possible for all. A ‘secret’ wedding must take place so the ‘paperwork of life’ can be submitted to the proper authorities in the cover of night before graduation. No one shall be the wiser, save for one pastor, two witnesses and the infinite eyes of God. And it was humbly glorious. There, in the dwindling hours of Saturday, February 29th, 2020, a simple, and impromptu ceremony was held. If not for the last-minute touches by the gracious powers that be, our little moment would be less one runner, two accents, and near-infinite purple flower petals (which unbeknownst to our silent ceremony patron is the color of both of our birthstones, a stone which Jeannette inset in her very own hand-crafted ring that was used on this day), as well as a last-minute, surprisingly well-fitting wedding dress, all to create this moment in time that many may call, ‘the moment’. It was a very loud quiet moment, filled with the recognizable expression of our parents and grandparents, carried from opposite corners of the globe to little Providence, Rhode Island, where these two were able to utilize these gifts for each other, shared in their private little moment, now and forever, one.
Then they all departed to an Indian restaurant in fifteen minutes or less, without reservations and filled with joy. The best post-ceremony reception there ever could be. Here stories and laughter was shared, a delightful occasion, among details for the ‘real’ ceremony to be held in the upcoming months on May 30th, 2020. Nothing could get in the way of this grand public ceremony, save for a global pandemic…
Masks and handwashing aside, Saturday May 30th, 2020 was like any other day. A soft sun set on the Van Winkle gates, an iconic entryway at Brown University, beyond the pillars of Manning chapel where our lover’s ceremony was to be held.
Except for the gentle breeze that blew through the iron bars, there was little fanfare to be had on this slated date. Circumstances across the small state and global world for that matter called for the necessary ‘cancelation’ of large gatherings and crowded events. Both Deaf and hearing family members near and far had to send in their regards and withdraw from this glorious event. Our lovers, lulled by their three month stay-at-home “COVID honeymoon” were in quite a pickle as the intricate details of their marriage grew ever more complicated to disclose. “This will be quite the tale to tell” our newly-married couple shared with each other. “There will certainly be very little time once residency starts...” “Something will surely happen with everyone one day…”
And so our lovers continue their bonded experience, knowing full well they have the love and support from friends and family around the world. While the story may not conclude with the expected ‘Hollywood’ manner, it is certainly one that exudes a cinematic nature. When is one ‘Married’? Is it at the moment they sign the certification? Or perhaps it is years prior at the initial moment of meeting when the two became entwined to each other's story. Some believe it is never quite fulfilled until the day of departure and the two have successfully journeyed the path together in holy matrimony… this last tale has yet to be woven. In any case we share with you our story of love and admiration, hoping to support all of your stories in love as you all have supported us throughout ours.
Here’s to Jeannette & Alex, Married 2020. Finding peace in each other among the years of vibrant activity.
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